


Skaiass

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, Eating Disorders, Gen, Humanstuck, M/M, Strippers & Strip Clubs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-29
Updated: 2013-07-29
Packaged: 2017-12-21 05:17:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/896241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm in love with a stripper.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Birthday Boy

The blindfold was tightly strapped around John's head blinding him from any and all in front of him. His friends discussed all sorts of things. Jake laughed at Roxy who was already drunk for the night. Jane sat on the other side of Roxy, shyly laughing along with them. Roxy's laugh was loud enough to leave ringing in John's ears and Karkat behind the wheel yelling at them in the back seat didn't help with not giving him a headache. Dirk was in Jake's lap. With the lack of seats, Dirk had to sit in someone's lap, so of course, he would sit in his boyfriends lap. Well he was mostly on Jake, but his legs extended across Roxy and Jane's laps also. Everyone was pumped for the party tonight. They all knew where they were taking John for his 23rd birthday, except for John. It was a surprise. His friends had decided it was okay to tell there were going to be boners and a lot of drinking tonight, but that sounded like some lame high school party to John, and if that's where they were going to be going, John was going to abscond the fuck out of there. Ideas ran through his mind, though. Besides Karkat, John was the only single one in their group of friends. It worried John that his friends were going to try and hook him up with someone. They knew John was the romantic kind, that he had to know a person before he could like them or not. Of course they had to keep that in mind if they were going to do something like that to him. It would be fucked up if they did it anyways.

Suddenly the car stopped and the engine turned off. John listened to the rattling of Karkat's keys as he took them out of the ignition. He listened to the grinding of metal against metal and scraping when Karkat opened his door and the clicks of all the other doors that had not yet been unlocked sounded. Someone opened John's door for him, and John turned to get out. His feet grinded against gravel and he could feel the rocks underneath his feet from the thin soles of his shoes.

"Careful, Egbert," Dirk said, hooking arms with John and tugging him closer. Another arm hooked with John's free left arm and they tugged also. Roxy's slurred voice errupted from John's side.

"I'll guide him, Strider, why don't you go play with your boyfriend now?" She giggled.

"Why don't you go play with your girlfriend, Lalonde?" Dirk hissed back.

"Oh hush it you two!" Jake chimed from behind the three. "Jane and I will escort each other while you two guide the blind lad inside!" Jane and Jake's set of feet scampered around the three and onwards. John listened to Karkat's feet. Karkat was beside Roxy, silent. John wouldn't have been able to tell he was there if it were not for the gravel crushing under his feet. They neared up to their destination, a quick and faint bass thumped behind concrete walls. The four of them stopped and John waited. When they took off John's blindfold, his eyes zeroed in on a green neon sign reading "Skaiass" and below it a smaller neon sign in red read "MALE STRIP CLUB & BAR". John almost choked. The building was small but tall. Possibly two stories tall and there were few windows, two large clear doors that lead into a seemingly smokey interrior.

John turned to his friends. "You guys are fucking rediculous." His friends nodded and smiled back. Dirk pushed John forward. John noted how many people were here tonight. At least 100 cars were parked in the lot and John could only assume that they had each brought one man whom were discovering their sexuality 10 years into their straight marriages. The group walked forward, John being the last to reach the door. Roxy held open the right door for them all to enter. When John was passing her by, she pulled him back and shut the door. Dirk and Karkat had turned around to look at the two, but before Dirk could open it back up, Roxy was leaning against the closed door facing John. She sighed.

"Happy birthday, John," she began. He lifted his eyebrows. "We put a lot of planning into this party for you. Enjoy it for what it's worth. I know you probably don't want to be here but you need a tent in your pants for the first time in seven damn years."

"I jerk off all the time."

Roxy pursed her lips and squinted at him. "You need to be turned on by someone else for a change, is what I mean. You lost your virginity to Karkat when you two were sixteen but since you lost it you haven't touched a single man since. And that's a problem. Enjoy today, okay?" She winked and smirked, getting off the doors and opening them up. "Sorry, just had to pep talk our little Johnny," she smiled to Dirk who sighed.

"Stop wasting time Roxy, the show is going to start in about five minutes," Dirk said.

"Relax, we have time. We can arrive after it's started. It's called being fashionably late," she replied.

"Show?" John chirpped. The two looked at him and he  _knew_  something big was about to slap him in his face.

Dirk talked with the lady at the counter for a moment before she nodded and smiled, gesturing towards the door.

Karkat stood with his arms crossed, looking as unhappy as he ever did. John stood next to him, seeming unhappy also.

Dirk nodded his head towards the door and Jane and Jake followed Dirk, and then Roxy after them. Karkat sighed and tagged along after them. John had no choice but to enter the smokey room as well.

He was immediately introduced to the loud thumping of dubstep music in the surround sound club speakers, specifically, the song  _Bacon N Stuff_  by  _Couzare_. LD lights shone from above like stars in the dark room. Men and women from ages 20 to 40 crowded around the stage and were stuffed against the bar. Two poles were centered in the middle of the stage. There was a guy, probably around the age of 25, with a blonde strip up the middle of his hair on top of chestnut colored hair. He had pale and freckled skin and abs that looked as hard as rocks and it was just so damn  _sexy_. He sported a red and black plaid skirt and a tight black tube top that only covered his chest. He danced against one of the poles on six inch heels. It looked difficult to keep balance but the stripper looked perfectly capable of moving on them. John found himself worried for the guy, that he would fall on them or something. John brought his eyes back up to the dancer's face and cought his eyes behind those thick rimmed glasses. The dancer winked and rolled his hips in the direction of John, biting his lip gently and smiling. John would have stayed staring if Roxy had not tugged his arm towards a table off to the side. The group slid into the booth, John ended up being on one of the ends of the table that lead out. Just when John noticed Dirk had been missing from the group, he arrived with a platter of glasses and two large bottles of Grey Goose vodka and one of Cruzan rum.

Roxy moaned at the sight of the different drinks. "Yes... thank  _you_  Dirk! I brought my--" she reached for a vodka bottle but he slapped it away.

"Before you go mixing your drinks why don't you have a little bit of patience. Forgetting that we're here for the birthday boy?" Dirk hissed. Roxy sighed and leaned back on the booth. Jane patted her thigh and Roxy curled her arm around Jane's waist, pouting.

Dirk poured and served the drinks to everyone, still standing at the edge of the table. He was the one to make the toast.

"To the single birthday boy's twenty-third birthday. Seven years alone and somehow okay with it," he joked. Karkat laughed sarcastically. "Happy birthday, Egbert." They all raised their drinks saying happy birthday as well. John smiled, and somehow, he was happy. 

Suddenly the lights dimmed and the music changed over to a more upbeat and mysterious song. The schoolgirl-looking dancer retreated from stage and strobe lights danced across the room. A voice played from over head announcing something.

"Good day, ladies and gentlemen, it is time for our main attraction. Please set your eyes on the gorgeous Texan Heat." The spotlight zeroed in on the silhouette of a tall male behind a red opaque curtain. He was tall, weight leaning on his left foot, standing on what also seemed to be 6 inch heels with small spikes on them. He wore a cape, a dark red cape that reached his heels. Other than that, John couldn't tell anything about this stripper. John felt the awkward of staring and glanced back to his friends. Roxy was the only one not paying attention to the show. She was way too busy mixing her drink with something and licking her lips. Dirk, as he always did, looked quite unphased by the "Texan Heat". Jake, Jane, and Karkat all looked at the stage in wonder. The curtains parted from each other and a tall, thin pale guy stood looming over everyone else. Unlike the other dancer he'd seen tonight, this "Texan Heat" gave no facial expression at all. There was not even the slightest hint of a blush. This dude obviously knew what he was doing and was damn good at it too. He moved with the beat of the music, strutting to the beat and moving in on the edge of the stage. He leaned his back against the pole and from this angle, John could see his full attire now. His eyes were hidden behind dark black reflectionless Aviators which made it extremely difficult to draw out any sort of expression at all. He wore black lacey thigh-highs that were strapped to his  _extremely_ short red shorts. He also sported a red top that was cut off above his stomach. He didn't have as much of a muscular build as the other guy had, but it was still just as--very possibly even more--attractive. His legs were thick and strong but long and oh god. Oh god. John could feel the buldge in his underwear. He couldn't help it. This one dancer was probably the only one that could do this to him. He liked the Texan Heat. The sudden tightness of his pants was so uncomfortable he would have to go to the restroom and--

"And please welcome Mr. Birthday Boy John up to the stage."

John stopped. He stopped. Everything stopped. Nothing moved. Stopped. He stopped and he didn't move for a moment. He looked to his smiling friends.

"Oh. You all fucking suck," but he couldn't contain his smile. His friends pushed him off the seat, Dirk being the one to push him up to the stage. He climbed up, and the Texan Heat guided him to a chair he hadn't seen was there before. The dancer walked around John for a moment and then leaned down from behind him, coming down to breath on his ear, arms traveling over his shoudlers and down his chest. John was buff, actually, pretty damn ripped.

The mouth by his ear nipped at the lobe and whispered, "I kinda like you already, birthday boy." There was a hint of an actual Texan accent. It might have been slightly faded but then it might have been hidden by the whisper it came in. His hands went lower, and almost reached to John's navel area, but then they pulled back. John let a moan from his throat escape at the feel of warm hands retreating and thankfully it was hidden by the sound of the music overhead. Texan Heat moved in front of John. He stood with legs opened over John's lap. Texan Heat tugged at the string that kept his cape tied on and let it fall to the floor behind him. He lowered himself then, sitting on John's lap. John suddenly remembered the boner he had and by the time he tried to somehow hide it, it was too late. The dancer on his lap felt it under his open legs. Instead of jumping back or even looking down at all, he smirked. That smirk was so fucking hot and John knew it and his dick reacted to it also. The dancer felt this, of course, and got up then. He only got up to sit with his back facing John this time. He grabbed John's hands and guided them to run across his stomach, lower than his navel and even down to his inner thigh. Texan Heat's ass grinded back onto John's hardened dick and leaned his head back on his shoulder. He moaned into John's ear again, "You're big, birthday boy..."

John rolled his hips up and that made the man in his lap moan in his ear. Before he could do it again, he got up and this time leaned back against the pole in front of John. He dropped to the ground, widely opened legs and arms behind his head around the pole. He leaned his head back and opened his mouth slightly, and John could see bright red eyes looking right at him from under his shades. He rolled his hips towards John just like the other stripper from earlier had. It seemed like some sort of signature move or something? But it was hot... and John liked it when this dancer did it for him. He slid back up the pole and stepped in front of John once more. He leaned over John, hands on the chair behind John with John looking embarrassed. The last few seconds of the song was spent by Texan Heat guiding John's hand up and over his stomach. When the song ended, the lights on the stage turned off.

As if nothing had happened, the Texan Heat gathered his discarded cape and left backstage, leaving John on his own. John jumped off the stage and went back to his group of friends. They stared at him.

"Dude," Dirk said. He was sitting in the spot where John had been.

"What?" Suddenly John was worried he'd done something wrong. He had no idea what the fuck he was supposed to do up there! He'd never been to a fucking stripper club before! "What did I do?"

"Nothing. Dude. That guy likes you. You can tell."

"What the hell are you talking about? That was part of his act."

"No. No fucking way. He would never  _grind_  against anyone in any of his acts. He likes you."

"Well. He whispered it. Into my ear."

"Whispered what?"

"'I kinda like you already, birthday boy.'" He quoted in his best breathy voice.

"Oh my god. You should talk to him after his shift tonight."

"Isn't that at like five in the morning?"

"No. I think he gets off at three."

"That's still late."

"Want to come back some other time, then?"

John sighed. "I don't fucking know. Stop asking me things. I'm full of mixed emotions especially horny."

Roxy turned to Jane. "Is that an emotion?" Jane shrugged in response.

* * *

By midnight, John was fucked up. He couldn't make a shape out past three inches in front of his face. Bottles were strewn across the table. Roxy was in Jane's lap, legs spread on each side of her, head on her shoulder, arms wrapped around her neck. They murmured to each other and John found that hella cute. Karkat was asleep, leaning on Jake's side, who was also asleep, leaning back onto Karkat. Dirk was talking to John but no words were heard. John was waiting for the Texan Heat to emerge for another dance. So far tonight,  he'd seen few dancers. There was one guy who had extremely nappy blonde hair. It was curly and didn't look like it'd been brushed in centuries. He'd had the brightest most lime of all green eyes, and John was almost certain they were fake. He'd worn baggy polka dotted pants and a fair amount of face paint. It had been obvious he was the imitation of a clown but it was a very bad imitation. His name was Bone Breaker. He was scary and intimidating, but some of the people in the room were in to that sort of thing. He had found out that the schoolgirl-looking stripper was called Double Crosser. Each time that he'd come on, he looked for John and when he found him he would make all sorts of faces at him. John didn't like him as much. It was fun. A lot of fun. But John was exhausted. After informing Dirk of his exhaustion, they gave in and decided to go home.

It was on their way out that Texas Heat had come back out on stage. He was wearing his cape over a different outfit this time. After hours of observing him the several times he'd come out on stage, he came to figure out that the cape was his signature item. He caught the glance of Texan Heat right before leaving out the door. There was a wave of disappointment or sadness across his face but then it went back to emotionless, like before. It almost even seemed like a colder look. His friends tugged him out of the club, and they left.

They gathered into the car into their places that they'd been on the way there. Karkat put the key back into the ignition. He'd made sure not to drink very much tonight due to the fact he'd known that he was everyone's ride home. They began home with the music cranked up loud. John was too busy thinking about Texan Heat to concentrate on the song that was on or anything that was being discussed in the back of the car. What was his real name? What did he look like in normal clothes? What was his everyday style? Was he single? What did he look like without the sunglasses? What did he look like when he laughed? What did he look like when he ate? What did he look like after waking up in the morning? Did he have bad bead head? Was his hair naturally a platinum color? Were his eyes actually candy red like that? What did he look like coming out of the shower? Was he a screamer or crier? What did he look like after coming? What did he look like post-sex?

John sighed, thinking all these questions through, what their answers may be. A whole lifetime could have passed without John even realizing. A single question flew through his ears from Karkat.

"John do you wanna fuck tonight?"

It was then that John was pulled out of his own inquiries and to Karkat's. He glanced over to Karkat and then to the back seat, which was now emptied without John had ever noticing. When he looked back to Karkat he took in his features for the first time in a long time. Karkat's big gray eyes stared right at John. His black hair was tucked behind his ears and his bangs flipped to the side. Roxy had redone his hair earlier, using vodka as water to keep it stuck. He'd tried to fix it back to normal but had failed. His cheeks were blushed with a rosy red and his shoulders were hunched, showing he was slightly unsure about asking but only a little. His jaw was sharp and his thin lips were curved into an uneasy frown. It took a few moments to remember what he'd asked John.

"Do I...what?"

"Sorry, sorry, it was dumb to ask. I'm sure you don't want to break your seven year abstinence streak. Sorry. Anyways. Bye. I brought you to your apartment, so..."

"No I just. Yeah."

Karkat looked up from the steering wheel. "What?"

"Yeah, sure. Let's fuck tonight. I want to," he began, reaching for Karkat's face. He cupped his cheek and then kept reaching to bring Karkat's face closer to his. John kissed him gently. He remembered that Karkat liked it rough so of course John would be a tease about it. Karkat kissed back, and before they realized it, their tongues were down each other's throats. Karkat was the first to moan which was followed by John, as if they were talking, but it was each other telling them they were okay with this. Karkat was the one to pull away. He turned off the car and got out.

"Let's go in," he said. John jumped out of Karkat's car also and followed Karkat to the door. The moment John got the door unlocked Karkat began to take his clothes off. They weren't even inside but Karkat sure as hell didn't give a fuck. They stumbled inside, Karkat against John. He was small and frail but rough and mean. John closed the door behind them, turning the lock and throwing the keys to the ground. He picked Karkat up and pulled him close. Karkat's legs wrapped around John's waist as Karkat continued to smash their lips together. John loved the warmth of Karkat's mouth and tongue and it hardened him when he felt Karkat's slimy tongue slide past his. The taste of Roxy's Chocolate Martinis passed in the spit of their mouths and their rum smothered breath passed across each other's skin in small gasps. John began to kiss down his neck, walking towards his bedroom. Karkat was the first to hit the bed, John following him, leaning over him. His mouth trailed small kisses down Karkat's neck and bare chest. His mouth stopped at Karkat's nipple and he took it between his teeth, biting softly.

"F-fuck," he whispered, arching his back at the feeling that ran through his body. John left a couple of marks on his stomach and moved downwards some more, licking and kissing lower and lower. Karkat rolled his hips up, touching his bulge to John's chest for warmth. John sat up, taking off his shirt and throwing it off to the side. The sudden lack of protection from his home made goose bumps rise on his arms and back. He leaned back over Karkat, this time rubbing their bodies together for the friction of it. Karkat's face was showing his frustration in the fact John was being gentle.

"If you don't hurry the fuck up I'm going to turn you over and fucking ride your ass into the sunrise," he moaned, looking both angry but upset. John laughed and without hesitation, Karkat flipped John over. "Fucking asshole," Karkat said. He laughed back at John in a mockingly way. Karkat sat on John's stomach and grinded against his ripped abs, pressing hard and not hiding the fact he was completely hard. Karkat struggled to take his pants off and John did the same, smiling his dorky toothy smile the whole time in excitement and nervousness. When Karkat noticed the type of smile he wore, he leaned down to kiss him. "I'll try not to make this super uncomfortable as this is basically you losing your virginity all over again. But at the same time I refuse to let myself hold back from getting fucked by you, Egbert. I'll make you make yourself at home in my ass."

Once the two had both their pants and underwear off, John suggested something that made Karkat's whole upper body blush.

"Let's suck each other off first," he said nonchalantly.

Karkat clenched his jaw and nodded. John smiled and pulled Karkat closer and over him, ass in his face. His lithe legs were pointed above his face; John's own legs lied loosely over the edge of the bed. John licked the very tip of Karkat's dick, and felt Karkat licking his also. John kissed down Karkat's shaft and licked at his balls then back up to the tip. He could feel Karkat breathe against his dick and before he knew it he had Karkat’s whole dick down his throat. He hadn’t meant to do that, but it was okay. John hummed a groan at Karkat’s breath, closing his eyes for a moment. Karkat tongued the slit of John’s dick, rolling his hips for John’s mouth, smirking and slightly chuckling at John’s neediness. Karkat tried to do it again, but John had pulled away.

“Are you fucking laughing at me?”

“Yeah, because it’s fucking hilarious how beg-y you are.”

“Shut up and just fucking keep sucking my damn cock,” John mumbled, lifting his hips. Karkat did as he was told, this time actually getting it in his mouth and sucking. There were butterflies in John’s stomach and it felt weird for a short moment, but then Karkat’s mouth returned him to calmness. Karkat dipped his back, grinding his dick into John’s mouth, which made John’s dick twitch. Karkat laughed again. This time, John pulled away, moving to flip Karkat onto his back. Karkat gasped, slightly surprised. For a moment, shock ran through Karkat’s body at John’s stroke to his stomach, and the next, he was relaxed by John’s kiss.

The two groaned into each other’s mouth for a moment while John pulled Karkat’s legs open, getting him to show his entire underside to him. John smirked and laughed. Karkat’s face was covered with the pinkness that also covered his pink cock and he tried to cover his face in embarrassment, but John had moved himself between Karkat’s legs and pinned his wrists to the sides of the bed.

“I want to see your face the whole time so don’t even try to cover it,” John laughed again after speaking and Karkat growled. The two looked at each other for a second before John leaned over Karkat, curling himself so his mouth could reach by Karkat’s dick, and he took a thick lick right over the shaft and Karkat whimpered, heels digging into John’s sides. His hands clawed at the mattress, making the tips of his fingers turn white. John laughed sheepishly, feeling slightly bad for making Karkat seem so vulnerable.

“What the…,” Karkat began, letting his voice drown out into a sigh. “Fuck, keep going, asshole.” John did so, giving another lick this time to Karkat’s balls. Karkat jerked. “Fffffuck!”

John kissed the tip of Karkat’s purple dick and pulled away, watching as Karkat let his head drop to the side and eyes open half way to see what John would do next. John smiled gently at him, letting him know everything was okay. Then he reached over Karkat to the nightstand, opening the drawer and retrieving a small bottle of lube.

“Why the ever loving fuck would you have that, Egbert? You haven’t had a need for it in years,” Karkat groaned through bared teeth.

John chuckled a bit. “Don’t worry about why I have it,” he said. “Worry about how much we’re going to have to use in order to fit me into your ass.”

Karkat huffed, closing his eyes and rolling his head back over the bed in attempt to pop it to regain at least a little bit of comfort. John popped open the cap of the lube bottle and squeezed a bit onto the tips of two fingers. He rubbed it over Karkat’s ass, watching him wriggle for comfort. He knew the feeling of cold mushy gel against his asshole had to be a huge turn off, so John once again brought his mouth down to Karkat’s dick, giving it a long stroke from his hot and wet tongue. Karkat groaned once more and when attempted to cover his mouth, John clicked his tongue once to stop him. One of John’s fingers slipped into Karkat’s ass and Karkat let out a sharp breath. John thrust his finger into Karkat twice then finally curled it to push against the sides of the inside of his ass. Karkat’s groan got caught in his throat as he tried to roll his hips downward to get anything more into his ass. John slipped a second finger in, and Karkat opened his mouth but only to let no voice out, only breath. John spread his fingers, spreading the lube in his ass. He watched Karkat bare his teeth in pleasure, letting out little squeaks every now an then. When John entered a third finger, Karkat’s eyes opened wide.

“Fuck! God damn you fucking fuck!” He hissed. Karkat rolled his hips again, and this time John made sure Karkat got nothing out of it by pulling his fingers out completely.

Karkat calmed down a bit; relaxing himself.

“I don’t suppose you have a condom or do I have to provide one of those?” Karkat sighed.

“I have one!” John smiled.

“What the fuck for?! Are they from seven years ago?! Why would you have any? I mean Jesus fuck, John?”

“I’m always prepared.” He wore a dorky smile across his face. Karkat laid his head back onto the bed after realizing he’d even lifted it up. John reached back to the opened drawer and pulled out a silver square. He ripped the corner open with the tips of his fingernails and pulled the condom. After rolling it on, he smeared lube onto it then looked back up to Karkat who had been watching him carefully with a sarcastic look on his face. John rolled his eyes and pulled Karkat’s legs over his shoulders. “Ready?” John positioned his dick at Karkat’s ass. The tip rested right at his entrance.

“Yes I fucking am, Egbert. I don’t have sexual encounters every other seven years, as you do.” Karkat sighed at the warmth of John’s cock, waiting for him to come in.

John pushed in, slowly at first. He was hung like a horse, and as much as Karkat loved the feel of John’s almost-virgin dick in him, it hurt like a bitch. Once John was all the way in, Karkat stopped him. “Just a moment,” he said. A moment passed and Karkat nodded, wincing as John began to pull out again. Halfway out, he began to push back in. The thrusts started slow, and Karkat was about to get upset. “Fucking hurry up already, shit stain.” John pulled all the way out and all at once, slammed in. Karkat’s voice rung in John’s ears; a loud scream erupted from his throat as loud as a child’s sob. He pulled out and slammed in again, and again, and again, and again. Finally, Karkat was at edge.

“I’m gonna.. I’m gonna come—” and he did. Karkat’s body tensed so tight, it made it hard for John to thrust anymore. With the sight of Karkat coming streaks of white from his chin to his stomach, John came too. Their body spasms lasted a few moments and finally, John pulled out. Karkat listened to John as he slipped off the condom and discarded it. Karkat was on the bed, cum strung across his stomach. John brought a towel from wherever in the room he’d gotten it from. He wiped the cum from Karkat’s body and threw the towel onto the floor and finally lay next to Karkat.

Neither of them wanted to be the first to speak, so neither of them did. Karkat knew John was fine with him staying over for the night when he began to pull the covers over them both. They lied there, silently, until they fell blissfully asleep.


	2. Sincerely, Dave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which John has a semi-normal day.

Rays of sun fell onto John's face from his window to wake him. He couldn't remember a thing from last night and he couldn't understand why he was naked. His head pounded and he found a hazy memory of going to the strip club and getting wasted. He remembered the blonde stripper that had grinded in his lap but nothing else. Assuming he'd reached home by Karkat's car, he rolled over, pushing his thoughts out of his head. Twenty-three years old and the to-do list today consisted of going to the store and then work; another normal, boring day after an amnesia inflicting night.

His hair was a mess, he’d realized once he’d stepped foot in front of his reflection. Thick black hair on a pale complexion didn’t mix well, in his case. It was attractive on a lot of men, but not on him, according to himself. He opened his mouth, examining his sharp teeth. He had the faint taste of salt on his tongue but it was probably just from some drink Roxy made him consume last night. John stared at himself in the mirror, eyes baggy with exhaustion. He ran cold water over his face, sighing.

After showering and doing all the morning hygiene routines, John stood in the kitchen wearing a black Ghost Busters shirt he’d had since forever and a loose fitting pair of jeans. His hair was combed and ruffled into his everyday style. He stood at the table, sighing. He should have known better than to get so drunk last night. The throbbing continued in his head. He retrieved a small sports drink from the refrigerator and pulled Ibuprofen from the cabinet above the sink and downed three pills. The tilt of his head made the throb in his head thicken. He stood for a moment, thinking over whether or not he should eat. He really didn’t have an appetite but he should eat. He didn’t even want to have to go to the store, but it was Sunday and tomorrow he wouldn’t be able to with first shift in the morning. He worked at a large ice cream shop at the outdoor mall in the middle of the city. It was a temporary job, as he’d gotten laid off from his job at a pizza place a month ago. He liked the job, sure, but his dream was to be a producer. But he’d of had to go to school for that, and he was no way in hell going to school for that.

He decided to skip breakfast. Plucking his keys and wallet from a small round dish on the coffee table, John left his small apartment. The sun outside burned into his blue eyes. To the store first…

* * *

 

The store was freezing and loud. The tile was too bright, putting strain on John’s eyes. He squinted them to keep them from hurting any more. As he pushed the cart up and down the isles, he threw in a few items occasionally. John was too bored. Lonely, even. He was bored and used to Sunday morning routines to have any spark in his attitude. _Ball thing of lettuce, like two tomatoes, ooh I’m gonna have to get some of that new cereal._ He went over his usual grociery list in his head, remembering everything from vegetables to dairy products. He reached for a potato, examining it in his thin hand. Concluding that it was ripe, he put it into a bag and selected another. He sighed.  _Damn, it would be really appreciated if something new were to happen like... Nic Cage walks through the door and starts shopping. Yeah. That would be much appreciated._ But there was no Nicolas Cage and there was nothing new to happen. John eyed a couple of bright red apples he'd just stuffed into the seat on his cart. They resembled the eyes of Texan Heat. John smiled to himself. It was pretty rare for him to feel attraction towards anyone. The last person he liked was a guy from two jobs ago, when he worked at a Walmart as a second job during the time. The guys' name was Joan or Jean or something like that. It was a small crush that lasted maybe a month, but then the dude and John fought behind the store at sundown. The guy asked to borrow some money, and when John refused, he insisted. John had tried his best not to be afraid or get aggressive, but when the guy god hands-y, John pushed him away. And they threw wild punches, John being superior, of course. He won, but he had been covered in bruises and cuts the moment it ended. John had beaten the shit out of the other to knock out but he himself had been ravaged by him. The next day that Jean guy didn't show up to work. Apparently he'd resigned in fear of being reported or anything. That job was three years ago, and John had learned back then not to trust a soul. That's why he didn't have sex or a boyfriend; he learned that things would always end up bad.

Staring at the wall of cereals, John picked out a random kind. It was the first one he saw when drifting out of his flashback, and he figured ChocoPops would have to do for the week.

By the time John was nearing the end of the store by the dairy items, he realized his cart was becoming too full. He didn't remember shoving half of the items that were in it in there. He looked over the objects, deciding he would have to go back and put a few away. And then another cart hit his.

John jumped and looked up. He thought it was Dirk at first, but that wasn't Dirk. It was someone who looked quite similar and extremely familiar. Platinum locks that passed his ears, a jaw that was sharp as fuck, a curve of the neck that was perfect in every way, Aviators covering about a third of his face. And then it hit him.

"Tex--"

The blonde jumped and made a few noises at once, the loudest one being  _shh_. He looked half surprised to see John as well, half expressionless, like Dirk always is. "Shut the fuck up, buckteeth! We have weird ass names for a reason!"

John stopped. Buckteeth?  _I mean, I know I've got a slight overbite but is that necessary?_  He stayed silent for a moment.

"Then what's your real name?" John sighed, sounding slightly irritated. He was already having a bad day and he hadn't even had any social interaction so far. It was probably going to just get a lot worse if he started a conversation and John immediately regretted even opening his mouth again. He probably should have just gone around the stripper standing in front of him and acted like he never saw him.

The blonde bit the inside of his cheek. "Dave." Wow it was even started with a D like Dirk. "Dave Strider."

Fuck.

"Strider?"

Dave eyed him. Well, John couldn't exactly tell if Dave was looking at him, but the way John noticed the slight tilt of his head, it was pretty obvious. "Yeah. Strider."

"Oh. I just... my friend has the same last name. I didn't think it was such a common name."

"Neither did I," Dave said. The two stood looking at each other for a moment before John shook his head.

"Whatever then. I've got to be somewhere," John pulled back his cart and began to push it around Dave, but he stopped it by standing in front of it.

"What's your name?" He asked.

John looked up at him with annoyed and exhausted eyes. He really was becoming extremely upset now.

"John. Don't you remember? I mean it was only last night, but is your lowly educated mind that bad at remembering things?"

"Dude, low. I may dance in my freetime but that's for extra money. I have a fucking education, I went to fucking college."

"Whatever dude, it's too early for me to give a fuck. Please get out of my way."

"Last name?"

John sighed and dropped his head. "Egbert."

Dave smiled  _very_ slightly. He reached out his hand. "It was nice to meet you, Egbert."

John smiled back, trying his hardest not to be more of a downer in the situtation, and accepted his hand. "You too, Strider." He felt something between their hands and before John could even look down to see what the blonde had left in his hand, Dave had strolled away quickly.

In his hand lay a small white paper folded in half. He unfolded it and inside was something he hadn't expected to find.  _Call me._ and a phone number. When John looked back up, Dave was gone.

What the fuck.

* * *

Two hours later, John was behind rows of ice cream flavors. It was noon, but the place was slightly packed. Sundays always ended up packed. He was working 11 until 6 today, meaning he was working all day. A few times, when nobody looked, John would take a sample scoop of Birthday Cake. He'd always gotten pretty annoyed by cake easily on holidays, but the ice cream was delicious. He loved cake, but only when his father wasn't producing seven per hour.

The bell at the store's door rung and John turned his head to welcome the customer. Before he could get his words out, he recognized Rose and Kanaya. The two elegant women held laced hands and smiles towards each other. John rose, as did another employee.

"Rose, Kanaya!" John smiled. Their faces really did cheer up John whenever he saw them. The ladies turned their pretty faces towards John, smiling at him now.

"John!" Rose said, her smile getting wider. "How nice to see you! I didn't know you worked here."

"Yeah, I just started not too long ago."

"Well that's wonderful. Kanaya and I just recently opened a new boutique in the mall. It's called Rosemary. We're on lunch right now so we thought we'd stop by here to get something."

"A boutique? Wow how fancy, I'll have to stop by some time to visit you two."

"Your presance is always appreciated, Dear," Kanaya chirpped.

They all smiled at each other for a moment. "So what can I get for you two?"

The two of them murmured among themselves for a moment and after a minute decided on a banana split.

Whipped cream, chocolate syrup, strawberry syrup, it built upon itself to form a mountain of diabetes. John put in two extra cherries for his friends and handed it to them. Kanaya takes it with her free hand and Rose hands him the money. "Keep the change."

He smiles and thanks her, and the two of them sit at a date table by the window under the giant orange "OPEN" sign.

John eats another sample scoop of birthday cake and sit back down, next to his coworker Eridan. The two chit chat about little things when the door opens again. The two workers stand and--oh.

Eridan is the first to say hello. "Hi, Karkat!"

Karkat skips Eridan and walks straight to John. "Fuck you Egbert."

"Karkat? What's wrong?"

"Do you remember  _anything_?"

John shook his head innocently. "Um. No. I remember drinking a little but that's it."

"A  _little_?"

"Yeah. Unless I'm mistaken. I don't remember, Karkat."

He rolls his eyes at John and flips him off then storms out of the store. Eridan looks to John and shakes his head, and John just clenches his jaw and takes yet another scoop of boring birthday cake ice cream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OWWOWOQW
> 
> it took me an enTIRE FUCKING YEAR TO WRITE THIS SHORT ASS CHAPTER I AM TRASH WOWWWWWW
> 
> i dont even remember this fucking story really wowW
> 
> ps, dont expect anything for up to two weeks. i am going to be extreMELY busy with things.
> 
> *throws self into a pit of gross moldy grapes and rotten apples where i belong*
> 
> tumblr | [howunpleasant](http://howunpleasant.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> yeah so i know nothing about clubs and that stuff so im just googling all this hahahhahadskd but i did go all out on dave's stripper outfit /crying
> 
> also this took me like half a week to write because i was never in the mood to write smut so that johnkat took forever to write but i hope it was okay in the end
> 
> if theres any suggestions or advice anybody would like to give me, please give me it. this is like my third time ever writing smut so im kind of unsure about it. i tried to be detailed and slow about it but its three am and i have things to do tomorrow. goodnight now.
> 
> tumblr - syllis.tumblr.com


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